is it sullen?

today i vent my anger on something i shouldn't have pursue. sorry cel, you had to listen all my to crap.

i realized again today, that somtimes if that's the only thing i'm able to do then i guess it's my maximum.
was it childish of me to think that way?

sometimes i wonder, but i guess i have to let go and move on, anger is something i can't pass through my life without experiencing.

there is still so much for me to learn out there, so i can't just stop here. i know it. and i hope and wish that i'm able to do it.

and i guess in a way everyone's right. i get too caught up in my thoughts and sometimes i never stop and think. and when i do stop and think, i realized that some of the things i say and do is rather improper of me. like how let say i look back at the sent messages in my sent items inbox, as i look through it i realized how i sounded, not that i'll regret it for life. but hey, it happens.

-got to stop and think.
-at the same time do not have too much control over myself.

-god damn it zong listen to people's good advice!

tagged replies:
Hs: I supposed the reason why i said that it's cause, life's a decision, and well sometimes i can't or haven't make it out. :)
Ju: No prob, anytime. =D
Gary: good for ya man! why did you curse? :S

i'm sitting on the fence.

supporting you and listening to you all, it's the only thing i can do.

cheers everyone! :)

i'm sorry my friend. i'm guilty as charged
someone, please forgive me and my sins
all that i have
all that i had
it's all gone now
it's only you and me
in this lonely planet
on this horizon skies
i betrayed the trust
so now it's just me
i can't look at it anymore
more than anything i had
-zong's memoirs.

thanks everyone, for letting me to shine.
and to those who help me to shine.

eating fast food twice a week is a definite nono. god i really got to cut down on it. it's unhealthy and sickeningly horribly oily. but yet in the end everyone resort to that. (cause i guess it's quick and convinient)

i'm fed up. very soon i got to get that damn notebook which i really wanted. i have so many thoughts that i want to write down and when i finally do, i forget all my scribbles within me.

recently i realize (again, yes i know) how connected this strange weirded out world is. like how probably the paths and roads of each designated sign end up somewhere and cause of the engaging darnkness you feel like tracing the path. i guess i'm running out of ideas, but perhaps it's what i usually think about.

weird thing is, sometimes i must wonder whether i psyched myself thinking i have tons of problems and just thinking on trying to have burden down my back cause i have absoultely zero. as they say, humans love seeking troubles. but hey, i'm a human too. and i guess i got to accept sometimes i do, cause it makes me wonder and learn more about the 'human concept'

it's amazing, really that the sounds of crickets and insects together with the music of the road can bring a sycrhonize harmony that sounds strangely like pure music.

i'm beginning to realize the importance and love of my family. i feel comforted that everyday i'm going to a home. i'm beginning to appreciate things more now.

i love it. the comfort zone. the feeling of warmth and being comfortable with someone you like and trust very much. i've realized that i made some judgements which were wrong and right at the same time. taking back and giving out or in. we learn from there. and now i'm at peace of heart. i'm finally having the peace i yearned for so long. somehow this tree is right in front of my face. (don't ask)

sure, sometimes i get scared. it's common. i get frighten but at the same time i overcome my fears. there's plenty of up and downs of life which i learnt so far and somethings can be unexpected. after perhaps coming and experiencing a couple of times, i learn that even though things may not seem it will happen again, it still does.

it hurts.

i've escaped today. my mind was at peace. i could concentrate in school today without thinking too much about what other people would think. it's a first and i was exhausted after lessons today and just felt like sleeping. i think i would persuade myself to sleep earlier now days.

i'm overly sensitive. it's both a postitive and negative result. something it's so within me and that when i finally said it out loud, i feel as though it's the greatest achievement i ever had.

i have problems thinking about what other people think about me. it's selfish in a way, but i can't seem to help it. it's as though i've already evolved into it.

it was great today. laughing till my stomach hurts. kept me off what i was thinking for awhile. stupid things sometimes make your day.

mos rocks. i swear, very soon i'm going to eat everything there. right now my breath smell of mos chesse burger.

my brother's back from china- something he said kinda struck me. he told me that the dog at his girlfriend's house is more lovable than the dog in our house. and now he loves that dog better than this dog. if dogs can understand, i would truly think it's cruel. it's like abandoning your own baby. something like this.

and now i'm thinking, if let say anyone get's tired about everything and everyone, wouldn't that be sad? not caring for something or someone just cause that person has run out of your interest. it's heartless cold, yet very true. humans will always be humans. tired of something unless that particular interest is so interesthing and fill with so many things to explore. i guess i got to admit, i'm guilty of that. to tell you the truth one day, i'm so bloody afraid i just get tired of film. as they say future lays unexpected, but i must lay my future, or else there wouldn't even be one.

be optimistic. my new rule.

thanks 'gay' ho for what you did for me and well what you're doing for me. i can give you a whole lot of crap but boy, it sort of wake me up.

i mean i'm allowed to think about it, (i know i am) but thanks for helping. i won't forcefully try stopping, cause i guess it's already in me but i'll do my best stopping it. you know what i mean. :)

i've taken a turn. i decided i'm going to help my family as much as possible now. i'm not going to be lazy and cause of that stupid laziness not going to help them. it's something i never did. but i'll do it with my heart. i guess honestly if i really don't feel like doing it i just won't.

i guess there isn't need to impress. cause i guess if people can't accept on who i am, then i guess we aren't that great after all.

fuck denial.

annoying little secrets. can't they just be put away hidden in the closet never to come out and having it to suffocate.

i have no idea what i'm saying now days. it's just rambling for i'm tired and i just want everything to stop. really.

it's beserk how everyone is rushing for time and teachers are just nagging us to death. some see it as a motivation and well the only time i have for self-reflection is when i'm in bed and ready to sleep. thoughts are pursuing me now days and something it's nagging at the bottom of my heart. i can't figure it out yet. but i definetly got over the dark. now i feel like staying in a forest everytime i look across my roof. spooky and exciting i would say.

something to boast about: i know my own strength and weaknesses. hey it's my own blog right?

i guess knowing your own strength and weaknesses is one of the greatest things that can help you in the world. one thing is not to boast about it, yet phrase it in a way that people won't accuse you of being a 'mutter' and for your weaknesses make sure it sounds as your strenght as well. career guide.

life is simple but painful when you think too much.

secret: sometimes i think i'm on television 24/7 and i'm the only one not knowing about it.
(i think i shouldn't have watched the trueman show)

we're all covered in this world, fleeting in to paraphrases and sturggling to overcome something. is it ignorance or arrogance? something that we must compete and behaving like the utmost human.

race and religon-why is it that even now, some of us judge others just by race or religon?

it's been my mind for weeks now, yet i haven't had the time to throughly reflect on it. now when i do, even though many people say that this problem is in the past, i find that it is currently still a heavy topic in this present and definetly in the future.

some of us just ignore people who are a different skin colour from themselves. i don't get it. why can't each and every one of us stop deciding and judging one another just by race or religon. it isn't one character, but rather the faith we have and the person we are blessed with. it is no sin to be a different skin colour from one another.

we can start a war just by race or religon, just cause we don't believe in each other. history predicts this is true, with hitler's ideology of clearing out the jews. i feel that films like borat mock the world on how we just judge other people by thier race or religon. can't anyone see this behind the thick sickly humor? it's not only mocking the people of the country, but rather mocking us on how we mock other people.

some of the oblivious sorts whom i know insult other religons or race without even knowing. bless them for they must learn.

my cousin believes that all of us are racist in little ways. i guess sadly to say, it is true. but must it come to an extend that we kill others or go to a war with no love? or must we hurt others just by saying things we don't want to hear ourselves. honest is good. but think before you speak please.

dooms day is tomorrow. damn. here we go again. the undesirable mornings, the boring ramblings, trying hard to keep awake and the revision of textbooks.
damn and i still have 3 more movies to watch on my movie dvd list.

i'll bet this year will dissapear in a flash. i better take note of the days.

but i guess looking at the bright side, i'll be having fun again. yes, i can't dread this year nor can i dread the day. this year is a critical year and yet i hope to have something big and fun along the way.

here we go.

i count down the new year yesturday watching a show called 'closer.'

happy new year everybody.

you got to admit, what a way to count down the new year eh?
anyway, the show had an amusing tagline, something i would never even think twice about:

"What's so great about the truth? The truth hurts people; try lying for a change. It's the currency of the world."
-closer

never in my life do morals tell to lie, but it is an intersting concept and it is true that the truth hurts deeply very much. perhaps that's why half of the time of our lives we are hypcrites and lying to people. as much as i love and want the truth, i got to agree with the statement.

2007, is finally here. i didn't really feel as though it was like a new year. to me it's just 'tomorrow' or it's just another day of society in words, the day after 31st december. i'm not cynical, i'm just saying the truth. i guess cause i'm dissapointed i didn' get to party.(although i don't think it makes a difference) i'm having one tonight which states realatives only and truth to be told, despite the food, i'm kind of tired going to a place wishing everyone happy new year. i'm a sloth occasionally and it's not a good start. damn.
1 more day till dooms day, and i'm still not ready for it yet. add in the fact i that was the only thing i felt and dread about 2007. terrible isn't it?

however 2006, had been a great year. despite ups and downs, it truly the best year of my life. it is when i came to understand things better and allowed a closer friendship i never thought was possible.

i have came to a conclusion that amongst all the blogs and livejournal i have, i loved this one the most for my true feelings really lie in this blog.

enjoy the year ahead everyone.

tagged reply:
Su: happy new year to you too! :) and may you be blessed with a good year ahead!